I trusted me, and bore the consequences my decisions wrought, and it was great; I have been craving the deliciousness of living with my own choices. In so many ways, being a person who has a uterus has been an exercise in trying (and failing mostly) to be allowed to be a person who makes their own choices. I know that many women do not have the same experience that I do and honestly, most people do not have as terrible of a childhood or as much abuse. So I get it. Not everybody is as upset by the things that upset me. I see that. I would still like to be allowed to have my feelings and reactions instead of other people telling me they are wrong. Instead of constantly being questioned by well-meaning (mostly white) people who think I should revere their advice even when they know nothing about who I am and where I come from.

Oh, you think I’m making a mistake? Maybe my goals don’t quite line up with yours!
Your imagination can’t fathom anyone wanting what I want? That is okay. Maybe practice some yoga or work with clay to spark your creativity!
You want to stop me for my own good? Not understanding me is fine if you don’t interfere. If your lack of imagination manifests as you getting in the way of people who are different than you, then we Gots. Ourselves. a Problem.

Also, really? For my own good? Where were you when I actually wanted help?
Why you goin’ overseas to talk to other neighborhoods and countries about Jesus when there are places here in your own country that have severe needs for healthcare, clean water, and education?
Shouldn’t you invest your time and money in your own community, your own town, your own state, your own country where you spend most of your time?
Don’t you think long term investing and staying here to help is better than one-off trips to places that you will probably never return to?
Are you after a notch in your belt or are you wanting to help the world be a better place?

There’s a saying about a plank and a speck that would be appropriate here.

I think people do this white-savior nonsense because it feels like a clear-cut action you can do for a limited amount of time that will (they believe) do some measurable good. It’s a much easier and much more appealing prospect than the difficulty of dealing with the injustices inherent in your own area/your own systems: Such slippery things that others have been fighting and dealing with and fighting some more; and it looks hopeless or just really difficult and you might fail at fixing it! Not an excuse I find acceptable. I understand it; but I do not support it as a reason to bail. I think that we can expect more from some of the wealthiest residents of the wealthiest nation on the earth.

Written about 4 months ago


One thought on “Really?

  1. What you are saying hits close to home for me. I had a horrendous childhood and an even more horrendous marriage. Most of the “advice” I got when it came to the marriage and the subsequent depression, was “just get over it.” It is so easy to say.
    I also completely understand your question “why are you going overseas?” I have often wondered about these people who have fame and money. They go to other countries, taking their name and “clout” and most likely en route to the airport (in their chauffeur driven limousines) pass several homeless, mentally ill and starving people who are HERE.
    Why are they any less important? Is it because they aren’t going to be newsworthy? Is it because helping those at home don’t qualify them as “ambassadors?”
    I am white but I am not one of those “white-saviors” and according to what my ex POS husband said to the judge….”she has an incredible sense of injustice.” So be it.
    I do and I do not offer any apologies.

    Liked by 1 person

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